Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
