my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize