Sorry, I don't speak sober.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
