If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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