When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
