No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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