I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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