She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
