boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Maybe he injected his testicle?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
