some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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