nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
