my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
