You really coming over, don't trick.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Randomize