ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
