I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I need a burrito and a hug.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize