She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
