Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
