Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize