his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
