wat bout pragnant strippers??
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
