I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
