I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
