No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
there's paper in my vomit.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
