It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
