I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I love having hate sex.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
