We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I need water and some morals
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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