My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
