Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
