my room smells like sperm. sweet.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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