Me. At least after what I've been through.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
