if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
tell me about the fingering
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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