My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
