I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
