While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
