when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
where are my eyebrows?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
