He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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