You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Randomize
