I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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