Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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