he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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