All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
