Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
