At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Who put my cat in the fridge?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
