im drinking this country out of the recession.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
