Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Fuck me I smell like cheese
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
