Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
