I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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