i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
