We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
