His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
