Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
