OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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