Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
