id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize