he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
