just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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