she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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