ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
