her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
