he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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