I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
