I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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