in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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