it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
