the condom got lost in my hair
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
