when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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