my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
