that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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