Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
