I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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