And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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