i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
