so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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