im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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