I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
