I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
This is the high leading the old right now
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
