We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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