she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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