So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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