I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
