She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize