I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize