So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I love you.
Bad choice
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
