physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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