We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
