im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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