apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
