god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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