My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
