I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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