I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
