Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
