The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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