I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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