Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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