Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
