When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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